Dan Schaumann

Official site of avid traveller and singer/songwriter, Dan Schaumann. Debut album "A Thousand Days Beneath The Sun" out now on CD and iTunes.

Posts Tagged ‘love’

Awkward dates (part 2)

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October 19th, 2014 Posted 8:19 pm

A while ago I wrote a post called Awkward Dates, where I recounted three scenarios from years gone by that could potentially have led to romance but instead ended up, well, a little awkward and unsuccessful.

Not much has changed over the past 17 months so I figured it was about time I posted an update of two more recent experiences, plus a long-forgotten gem from the past. Bear in mind I’ve chosen to only write about people who I no longer have any form of contact with – believe me, if it wasn’t for that, I’d have enough material to write part 3 as well. Maybe I’ll do that next year.

If you haven’t read it yet, I recommend you cast your eyes over my original post first before you continue on here to the second instalment of AWKWARD DATES.

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Awkward dates

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May 12th, 2013 Posted 8:07 pm

From the nervousness of the high school prom to the friend-of-a-friend setup; from the cute girl you share a glance with at the bar to the mystery of online romance, dating is something most of us go through with varying degrees of success. It has the ability to induce such a wide range of emotions and outcomes: butterflies, connection, flirtation and lustful embrace, all the way through to boredom, disparity, false advertising and just plain awkwardness. I think we can all agree that some dating experiences are made up of the sweet ingredients you can’t get enough of, whereas others seem to throw the odd sprinkle of pepper into the mixture. It sure is an interesting time to be single and on the market!

I’ve had some brilliant dates over the years but I’ve also had some shockers. I’ve been reminiscing on the latter recently and I came to the realisation that even though a date may not go quite as planned, they’re actually the ones that leave me with the greatest sense of amusement later on down the track. So I decided to share my top three memorable dating scenarios where it’s all gone horribly wrong (for the record, I’m no longer in touch with any of them and no names will be mentioned).

I may not have felt so good about the outcome at the time, but I look back on them all now with a tonne of fondness and I actually hope there are many more wacky encounters like these to come 🙂

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The Cytogeneticist

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February 12th, 2012 Posted 9:51 pm

She lived only a few miles away from him and had spent the majority of her childhood in this southern London district. She was as captivated by his upbringing in a tropical antipodean climate as he was of hers in cold and wintry surroundings. He thought it cute how she named her puppy after Gonzo, the big-nosed blue character from the Muppets, and he loved the way she hinted how they may one day lay beneath warm covers watching romantic films together. Although his interest in said genre was normally lacking, he honestly couldn’t wait to spend such a night in with his newfound flame.

Above all, the most attractive feature he saw in her was that she was studying to be a cytogeneticist.

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Faith

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November 11th, 2011 Posted 10:56 pm

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always put my full faith into everything I’ve wanted to accomplish.

It’s strange to explain, but whenever a new goal or ambition enters my heart, I have this deep knowing that the universe will obligingly set everything in place to allow me to fulfil this dream, and that nobody and nothing will hinder me from reaching my destination.

I often notice little ‘synchronicities’ around me when I have one of these goals in focus.

They’re like perfect signs from an external force, greater than I could ever imagine. They encourage me to pursue this path I’m on.

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Heartbreak Science

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December 26th, 2010 Posted 10:26 am

I feel so excited after watching the documentary Heartbreak Science on SBS. For so long I’ve felt within me that the heart is so much more than what it’s made out to be. For example, I’ve always felt that in addition to the brain, it possesses and processes emotional intelligence, and that it acts as one of the many links between the human body and what we know as the “soul.”  Finally, it looks as though the scientific community are beginning to realise this as well.

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Boltsnapper

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September 12th, 2010 Posted 1:57 am

Have you ever walked across a bridge and found that a pair of lovers have engraved their names onto a padlock and fastened it onto the fence surrounding the walkway, as a symbol of their everlasting love?

I see this regularly whilst commuting by foot across the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

It’s all well and good that they do this… but have they ever stopped to think about what will happen the day the council worker comes along with a set of boltcutters and snaps away at their love?

A young man
His sleeve without a guard
Validating all he’s ever known

A young girl
She waves a kindred arm
Letters on the lock she draws

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Uglify

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May 8th, 2010 Posted 11:46 am

To solemnize you is to select scattering samples of sarcasm simulcast straight to the starving stomach of Satan

To contemplate you is to conjure crumbling cues of cold, cutting comments conveyed by your callous, corrupt crevice

To respect you is to reap repeated reproaching rewards of ridiculous, regretful remote restrictions

To enjoy you is to encase an extinct, enslaving essense of experiential execration

To worship you is to wonder why weary, wounded wolves whimper at the wasting, weakening worthiness

To yearn for you is to yowl at the yolkish yesteryear of your yellow, youthsome yield

To ogle you is to observe optic omission of overwhelming ornamental offerings

To upholster your uprising, unsentimental, unsweetened, unreasonable, unwilling, unflavoured, unsealed, unpitying, underexposed, unseductive, unoccupied, unadulterated, unauthorised, uncurable, unfaithful universe of ubiquitous unsymmetricality is to uglify


 

Would You Like To Go For A Walk?

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January 26th, 2010 Posted 7:37 pm

“Would you like to go for a walk?” he dotingly asks on her return home from her late summer afternoon shift at work.

“Not tonight,” she replies. “I’ve got too much to do.”

He sets off without her. Perhaps tomorrow she will join him.

Through the field he wanders, graciously using this time without her by his side to set out a potential path for their future afternoon rendezvous.

He runs his hand through the dry, brown wheat as he progresses down the farmyard track. Ever so slightly sharp, he snaps up a scattering of stalks, pulling at the furry spikelets one by one and watching them blow off into the breeze. He dreams of the upcoming day where he lovingly offers a head of wheat to her, its beautiful homegrown authenticity possessing much more meaning than that of a manufactured gift purchased from a florist.

Nearing the end of the field, he opts for a southerly venture along the fen, stopping briefly to admire the family of swans wading through the wetlands. He is all too aware of the bond between the mother, father and three cygnets trailing closely behind, and one day wishes for a similar scene to grace his own human life. He sends his love to the swans and telepathically requests that they meet him there again tomorrow, in the hope that both he and his girl can spend time together treasuring their beauty.

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She Must Have Been Sleeptalking

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December 30th, 2009 Posted 9:41 pm

A busy day exploring a faraway city draws near an end, and the two touring sweethearts make their way through the havoc of the inner-northern suburbs to the location where they will retire for the evening. Putting the general chaos of their day behind them, the couple display an ambience of nervous anticipation for the hours ahead, as this coming night is due to be their first spent together. Alone. At one. At last.

Entering the room they reflect on the day’s precedings before making preparations for their inaugural twilit companionship. Nearby, the dull roar of the subterranean carriages shake the walls ever so slightly, in precise harmony with the rumbling of their hungry hearts. She rests her head gently upon his shoulder as he grasps her slightly trembling hands in his, providing a much-needed quietude prior to the forecast storm. A sense of peace washes over as they take in the space before them which they will shortly occupy, their inhibitions gradually fading as the late summer sun merges with the darkening urban horizon. Their surrounding air becomes lighter than light itself; an aura of magnificence emanating from these two perfectly entwined souls.

Sublime to the eye, sweet to the smell and pure to the touch, she remained every inch the beauty he recalled from his yearnful, endless memory. This was a memory that delved back a multitude of epochs, beyond the fruit, beyond the flower, beyond even the fateful event seemingly millennia ago where the seed was first sowed, paving the way for their impending and everlasting reunion. To her, he was the brick, the support, the solid rock she had grasped onto so tightly in the dawning months leading up to and including this moment.

It was a journey of unimaginable proportions and enigmatic synchronicities that finally culminated in this extraordinary state of communion. From every corner of the universe, all entities involved throughout the duration of this amorous journey wept ethereal tears of togetherness, filling the small but intimate room with their unconditional love. Finally, here they were. Alone. At one. At last.

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The Tree That Took My Love

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November 23rd, 2008 Posted 11:04 pm

*you can download a demo recording of this song here

Lay me down in fields of green
The summer sun, it tastes as sweet as you

Fruits and flowers surround our dream
Our wish for native beauty has come true

Grounded now I heard you spoke
Your burrowed seeds, your barren throat
Godforsaken tears, they choke from you

Our undergrowth is drying up
And I’ve had enough of this
Photosynthetic mindfuck

Burn it down, the branches wasting
Ashen ground incineration
Leaves of brown reciprocating
Resin from our hearts

Wrath of life reduced to stumps
A hand for hand, a trunk for trunk
It’s killing me, this tree that took my love

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